Hollywood's Four Horsemen Saddling Up
We may not have much time left before the End of Days, as an operative has just spotted Brett Ratner on the Fox lot, joining forces with of one of the celebrity world's greatest forces of darkness:
Brett Ratner must have gotten out of jury duty (maybe that disco light defense worked out after all) because I just saw him on the Fox lot. With Joe Simpson, who was wearing a pink and blue striped polo. If only Ryan Seacrest were there, I would've taken it as the true sign of the apocalypse. I don't know what kind of hell spawn Daddy Fox is cooking up next, but this may be our final warning.
If the appearance of this first pair of Hollywood Horsemen isn't terrifying enough to get you to kick off work early and soak in a tub full of holy water until morning, consider that a reader seems to have spotted a sign on Melrose (pictured) indicating the imminent ride of the other two. Fox's plan to unleash Hell seems chillingly clear now: While we're all craning our necks skyward to behold their ominous sky-writing, Ratner and Simpson will skip hand-in-hand through the city to gobble up the souls of anyone foolish enough to fall for their airborne distraction, while the Antichrist trails on Danny Tanner's shoulders, harvesting whatever scraps are left for him.