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It's not what you know or who you know — it's how you ask. (Well, that and how much blackmail fodder you've collected.) All favor-asking letters are really the same, so to take the guesswork out, here's the Valleywag template for begging anyone to do anything. Keep in mind these three crucial elements: feigned personal connection, direct request, and strong hit at reciprocal favors.

Hey [patron],

Great to see you at [grudgingly attended launch party; PR-run demo fest; journalist drinking night; "optional" meeting; Larry Ellison's bedroom]! What happened to that [stupid conversation topic, I couldn't care less but I can fake interest for a paragraph or two]? My job's going great — except for [the customers; the boss; the po-po — there are rapes and murders out there and they care about a little coke, stupid cops].

Hey, by the way, I just realized this thing that is definitely not why I'm e-mailing you! I need [to get onto the Googleplex for a mango lassi; six million dollars; a speaker at my conference, "Whither RSS?"] And I'd be so grateful if you [didn't tell them I work for Yahoo; didn't charge me interest; didn't tell Dave Winer].

Thanks again! I'm gonna go [give extra time to your client's project — get the hint?; name-drop you in the SF Chronicle — get the hint?; put in a good word with Steve Jurvetson — get the hint?].

— [You, Mr. Beggy McBeggarson.]