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After the 63.4 million American Idol finale votes were tallied (more than for any president*, as Ryan Seacrest pointed out in probably the most depressing single statistic you'll hear this year), we once again saw a popular red state candidate edge ahead of the blue, leaving the nation with the terrifying prospect at least 12 more months of subpar Joe Cocker covers. Idol even managed to pit family member against family member:

Apparently the mother and son were discussing 'Idol' — while drinking, according to court records — when the mother, Jan M. Chagnon, told [Cory K.] Favreau that Katharine McPhee would have a successful career despite losing in the finale to Taylor Hicks. Favreau then allegedly stood up, made a nasty comment to his mom and then struck her with [an] object attached to a bicycle chain.

The McPheever-beset Chagnon knew her son was a Taylor Hicks fan, but she had no reason to believe her comments would incite him to swing his cherished Official Soul Patrol™ Mama-Whuppin' Chain with optional dangling, puncture-wound inflicting object, accompanied by the threateningly "nasty comment" that he was going to "warp your motherin' skull just like Katharine warps the high notes!"

[*Actual quote, as per the NY Times: "That's more than any president in the history of our country has ever received." Whether you want to count "votes" or "voters," Taylor Hicks would still probably beat Bush in an election.]