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· Idol Finale: David Hasselhoff chokes up as everyone grabs a piece of what's left of Katharine McPhee. Tori Spelling picks up some day work, and 36 million tune in to watch the the chubby, old dude take it all.
· Kevin Reilly is almost positive he's made up his mind now.
· If Jared Leto isn't gay as a goose, he should prepare to come face to face with an angry gay mob, hoisting rainbow-colored pitchforks and demanding he be cooked.
· Jay Roach mourns the loss of his $112 million gigglefest.
· Britney Spears: angry poet, waxy superstar.
· Journey through the incredible origin myth of Brett Ratner, mutant hack.
· Glazed dumpling Brandon Davis gets an earful from an irate Team Firecrotch player, then releases a retraction of his every regrettable, vagina-freckle put-down.
· Brandon Routh gets some very hetero, public superplay, but Superman's still got rainbows flying out of his manicured hands.
· Dr. 90210 karate-chops the dementia out of an 80-year-old in-flight menace.
· As soon as Wolverine gets out his cage, he makes a beeline for the nearest ship full of horny sailors.
· Katie Holmes' spoon-dug tunnel almost complete.
· For your consideration...and deep concern.
· Faye Dunaway opts not to be fixed in post.