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· Despite a valiant showing from his biggest supporters, M:i:III disappoints™.
· Paramount, meanwhile, doesn't take the news too well. Relax, guys. World Trade Center will wipe its ass with United 93!
· In other thrilling disappointment news, David Blaine completely and utterly fails at breaking the breath-holding record. Or making us care.
· Pine-diving with Kiefer.
· Something happens to someone on American Idol.
· Lindsay Lohan's morning-after twitch becomes a recurring marketing motif.
· Britney Spears new perfume is called "In Control." You know, just like her life.
· Charlie Sheen is a 100% hooker-dressed-up-as-cheerleader-loving, red-blooded American male!
· Chad Lowe spends allowance on frothy, caffeinated beverage.
· Oprah and the cast of Will & Grace see eye to eye on the joy of shitting. Hallelujah!
· Your kids are doing it. Isn't it time you talked to them about Donkey Punching?
· Paris Hilton adds a little skank-magic to E3.