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The NY Times recently had the opportunity to trail legendary Hollywood creature of the night, Jeremy Piven (whom they claim we "rag" on, though we like to think of it as exaltation). Piven was in town for the premiere of his new movie at the Tribeca Film Festival, a cinematic exploration of Bar Mitzvah one-upmanship called Keeping Up With the Steins. Like a man who has spent perhaps one too many hours at home rehearsing speed-talking monologues into a full-length mirror, Piven worked/confused the crowd of reporters like an ADD-afflicted pro:

"How does it feel to be the main character?" a Scholastic reporter asks.

"It feels good," Mr. Piven says. "I was always No. 47 on the call sheet my whole life and to be No. 1 on the call sheet feels good."

There is no indication that the Scholastic crew has any idea what he's talking about.

"Have you guys had coffee yet in your lives, ever?" asks Mr. Piven, a non sequitur only if you did not know that he got off the red eye that morning and has been doing press all day. "Say, no."

The young reporters, no doubt intuiting that this is a rhetorical question, press on. Working with Garry Marshall and Daryl Hannah, how was that?

"Well, I feel that they're very lucky to be working with me, let's be honest," Mr. Piven says, aware of the print reporter at his shoulder. "That's irony. Irony doesn't print." He repeats it. "Irony doesn't print. It only works in this medium. So I'm winning here, losing there." He points back and forth, from them to the reporter. "WINN-ing. LOOOS-ing."

The gathered group of journalists stared blankly at their subject, silent but for the faint whir of their tape recorder motors. A festival official interrupted the awkward moment, suggesting perhaps the jet-lagged Piven needed to take a short break from interviews. The Piv was later spotted at the bar doing some "follow up" with the Scholastic reporter, leaning into her ear and telling her how the "beauty of Clifford the Big Red Dog" is that it exists "almost entirely in a irony-free world."