This image was lost some time after publication.

The high-school-quality drama surrounding beloved fauxteur Brett Ratner's apparent mentorship-with-benefits of Lindsay Lohan once again devolved into cat-fighting, with a "source" telling Page Six about Lohan's bedside discovery of Ratner's inconvenient model girlfriend during an unannounced drop-by:

"Brett never told Lindsay he had a girlfriend. She had no idea," the source said. "He is constantly e-mailing, texting and calling her. She just wanted to hang out. He had given her the code to his house and told her to come over anytime, so she went."

But once at the house, Lohan was shocked when she found Ratner in bed with his girlfriend, [Alina] Puscau.

"Alina jumped out of bed and went ballistic," another source said. "They started screaming at each other and took the fight first into the living room and then out to the driveway while Brett hid in the bedroom.

"Lindsay said she could get Alina deported and left. What she doesn't know is that Alina and Brett are so serious, he gave her a big diamond promise ring last November which she wears on her right hand. She doesn't care that he may cheat. She's got the big diamond ring."

Putting aside petty concerns about the believability of the alleged deportation-threatening incident, we continue to marvel at Ratner's ability to play out his greatest fantasies in the tabloids. Next week, he'll barely be able to prevent himself from hyperventilating as he breathlessly dictates to his publicist (who deserves a huge raise, by the way) the tale of how he returned home earlier than expected from an X-Men junket to discover his girlfriend and Lohan in bed together, and how after hours of tears, angry pillow fights, and reconciliatory hot-oil massages, was finally asked to join them for a three-day-long exploration of the boundaries of their sexuality.