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You're a little sore this morning after your Earth Day celebration in the back of the Prius with those two vegans you met at the rally (Which rally, you ask? The one with the hippies, wiseass.) worked some muscle groups you haven't used in a while. And as you know by now, there is no better analgensic than the weekend box office numbers.

1. Silent Hill—$20.2 million
We were struggling to understand Silent Hill's success this weekend, but then we thought back to Friday, when the Defamer Special Correspondent Who Will See Anything shot us an e-mail organizing a SH outing. His pitch was basically this: "This movie is going to suck. But I loved the video game, so I'm going to see it anyway. You can't stop me." Now we know he was not alone.

2. Scary Movie 4—$17.03 million
The spoof franchise's (baffling) success virtually guarantees Scary Movies 5-10, with the tenth installment consisting of nothing but outtakes of Leslie Nielsen's cryogenically frozen head being bonked against various low-hanging, stationary objects.

3. The Sentinel—$14.6 million
The first day of shooting on The Sentinel featured a tense moment in which Michael Douglas was introduced to co-star Eva Longoria, then turned to the crew and loudly announced, "Well, I guess my career is officially over!" Douglas later mended his relationship with the actress by pretending to listen intently to all of her stories about Teri Hatcher, intermittently mumbling agreement about how "totally bitchy" Hatcher's territorial behavior in the make-up trailer sounded.

4. Ice Age: The Meltdown—$12.8 million
5. The Wild—$8.05 million
We're a little sad we don't have kids of our own to temporarily narcotize with a weekend of CGI talking animal movies. We're really missing out on the golden age of the genre.

8. American Dreamz—$3.6 million
Looks like Dreamz was a satire after all.