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The competition was fierce on American Idol last night. Not the singing—just give it to Katharine McPhee already—but the ongoing "No, YOU'Re gayer" slapfest between two of the swishiest allegedly heterosexual males on primetime TV, Simon "Bitch in a Muscle Shirt" Cowell and Ryan "Boy-Handsy" Seacrest. Reality Blurred offers a recap of their most recent claw-sharpened exchange:

During his chat with Mandisa, Ryan told Simon Cowell, "And if you read the dictionary, you'd know what 'constructive' means." Simon replied, "Ryan, with respect, I'm not the one trying to look like someone out of 'Desperate Housewives.' Lose the beard." Even though Ryan was sporting some facial hair, the joke didn't make much sense, until you realize that Ryan was photographed 'kissing' Teri Hatcher last week and "beard" has a second meaning.

The entire feud really is a childish and ultimately futile debate—sort of like a carrot and tangerine arguing over who's oranger—though we must admit it does keep us consistently amused. It's nice to know we can rely on Cowell for calling out Seacrest's clench-jawed erotic photo-op exploration of Hatcher's icky lady lips for what it was.