Monday Morning Box Office: Moviegoers No Longer Interested In Sharon Stone's Vagina
The bad news: Hollywood didn't burn down over the weekend, taking your cubicle, desk, and job with it. The good news: The box office numbers are still here, too.
1. Ice Age: The Meltdown—$70.5 million
10. Basic Instinct 2—$3.2 million
10. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector—$3.2 million
We never liked Basic Instinct 2's chances against Ice Age; while an animated squirrel scrambling to protect its prized acorn is wholesome family fun, a middle-aged actress running around naked to save her career is more than a little sad. Sadder still is that just as many moviegoers showed up to catch a glimpse of Larry the Cable Guy's ass-crack as Sharon Stone's ladyparts.
2. Inside Man—$15.69 million
The timing of Spike Lee's sudden mainstream success and this weekend's release of Basic Instinct 2 is too perfect to be dismissed as mere coincidence. It's obvious now that Lee was meant to direct Sharon Stone the next time she picks up that ice pick and allows the front of yet another shorty robe to flap open. [Ed.note—Two Sharon Stone jokes before your first cup of coffee! Take the rest of the day off, you've earned it.]
3. ATL—$12.55 million
Somewhat surprisingly, Roll Bounce was not the last word in urban rollerskating dramas.
4. Failure to Launch—$6.62 million
Sarah Jessica Parker Fun Fact: SJP is married to Ferris Bueller's Day Off star Alan Ruck, with whom she has a child. Who knew?
5. V for Vendetta—$6.47 million
Natalie Portman is so beloved around the world that the sight of her bald head in Vendetta prompted pediatric leukemia patients in Uruguay to mail their wigs to the star. Portman, of course, was incredibly moved by the gesture, and cut off all of her hair again and sent her clipped locks back to the generous children, initiating an endless loop of intercontinental, compassionate head-shaving.
