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Someone really, really wants us all to know that within the hour, reclusive heiress Paris Hilton will be dining at Los Angeles' most super-secret celebrity hideout with a famous-type companion so terribly important that to know his identity ahead of time would blow your fucking minds:

· In Beverly Hills: A big MTV personality will be taking Paris Hilton to the Ivy for lunch today @ 2pm. Paris has high hopes for this one!!

· i just heard this lady at coffee bean talking on her cellphone blackberry thing and think she was like a publicist or agent or something.

anyway, she was telling someone that paris hilton is gonna have some lunch date today at the ivy with some guy who's an MTV star. she didn't say the guy's name. does she mean nick lachey? i know his show got cancelled, right?

anyway, she said that paris hilton was having lunch with this guy at 2pm TODAY - monday - at the ivy. you guys probably know already. but i might go over there and try to see paris.

We have absolutely no idea whether these two "tips" (which we're going to assume came from the same person) are a) a semifunny hoax satirizing incredibly bad publicist leaks or b) genuine incredibly bad publicist leaks. (Seriously now, overhearing a "cellphone blackberry thing"?) In any case, should you want to stroll on over to Robertson and watch (read: throw small rocks at) Hilton and whatever ex Laguna Beach cast member is desperate enough to be photographed with her, she may or may not be there in half an hour. Enjoy.