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There's a reason so many celebrities choose to insulate themselves from the media through the censorial safety of their problem-minimizing, blame-deflecting publicists: They tend to muck matters up further when they speak for themselves, although the results are never less than amusing. Take for example this e-mail from boxer-brief exhibitionist Teri Hatcher, who claims to have no publicist at all, to MSNBC's The Scoop, concerning Hatcher's motives in refusing to appear on Real Time with Bill Maher:

Yeah, well who declined? Hatcher, who doesn t have a publicist, emailed The Scoop. I don t have a publicist so I don t know who told you that. Please stop with the stupid gossip if you want to have any further relationship with me.


Regarding Maher, she noted: As per my political beliefs, I am registered voter, and I would rather watch Bill Mahr [sic] from my bed in my pajamas (as I have told him personally, seeing as its one of my favorite shows) than sit on a panel sweating while trying to be quick witted.

As you can see, with a single publicist-unscripted celebrity statement, a non-story about talk show scheduling conflicts is instantly upgraded to the much sexier scoop of "Annoyed Celebrity Acknowledges Gossip Columnist's Existence." With the e-mail's publication, however, we imagine the fun will soon be over; soon to follow will be a newly-hired flack's terse and vaguely-worded statement, along the lines of, "While Ms. Hatcher enjoys many hobbies, including television watching and e-mail correspondence, the story itself, while amusing, is a complete fabrication. That said, Ms. Hatcher would like to take this opportunity to thank her fans for their continued support."