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We're happy to use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to honor some of the entertainment industry's most passionate love affairs, no matter how far we have to stretch the conceit to suit our purposes. This morning, Variety reminds us that while devilishly stylish fauxteur Michael Bay is a man who's given his heart to flashy, high speed chases on the 405 and worshipful, lingering shots of Ben Affleck's jawline, Bay the producer is head-over-heels for pointlessly remaking movies in which horny teens are eviscerated by tool-wielding maniacs. Bay's Platinum Dunes production company, already responsible for desecrating sacred splatter film Texas Chainsaw Massacre and transforming The Amityville Horror into a big-screen tribute to Ryan Reynold's glistening abs, will now be responsible for throwing together a Friday the 13th remake in time for the clever release date of (here it comes) Friday, October 13th. Given the recent trend of shoddily made horror movies ekeing out box office wins, we're going to boldly predict a first-place finish for the movie, if only because horror fans will be curious to see how they explain why Jason Voorhees has now chosen to mow down his victims in a yellow Lamborghini.