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As you settle back into your corporate veal stalls for another week of fantasizing about possibly one day sticking it to the Man, we must briefly interrupt your reverie with news that Mark is out on secret assignment (oh, what s the harm he s shooting Fear Factor: Bloggers Edition, sinking his teeth into a steaming plate of Schnauzer ovaries as we speak). It will therefore just be Seth at the helm today, adding his soaring harmonies to the gigantic sucking sound that is Monday morning (rendered all the suckier if you had dough on the Seahawks). To help ease down that bitter pill, have a spoonful of box office numbers:

1. When a Stranger Calls $22 million

SFX: "Since You Been Gone" Ringtone
Girl: Hello?
Stranger: Have you checked the children?
Girl: What? Who is this?
Stranger: Have you
SFX: Beep.
Girl: Oh, sorry, call waiting hold on.
(30 second pause.)
Girl: OK, back, sorry.
Stranger: Have you checked the children?
Girl: Have I checked the chicken?
Stranger: The CHILDREN.
Girl: T-Mobile reception sucks One more time?
(Beat.)
Girl: Hello?
SFX: Click.

2. Big Momma s House $13.3 million

Dave Chappelle may have issues with donning a dress for easy laughs, but so long as there are new Bentleys rolling off the line, Martin Lawrence sure as hell doesn t. In fact, the final touches are being put on the Big Momma 3 script as we speak, which features (spoiler alert) a hunky albeit sexually ambiguous love interest for our obese, crime-fighting heroine, followed by the penning of an inspirational memoir and her dramatic, unexplained weight loss!

3. Nanny McPhee $9.9 million

God bless children, probably the only audience who could sit through 98 minutes of Emma Thompson covered in hairy, prosthetic moles and find the entire experience utterly enchanting.

4. Brokeback Mountain $5.7 million

Heath Ledger offers his side of the I m a little teapot SAG awards story: A last minute presentation assignment led to a case of the nervous giggles. As for his stance: I ve stood like that since I was a kid. You can ask me mum. We did, and Mrs. Ledger had this to say: "True, and it looked pretty gay even at age 5, let me tell you. Guess our 'slingshot walnut to the head' technique never totally cured him."

5. Hoodwinked $5.3 million

This weekend brings Hoodwinked s total gross to somewhere north of $44 million. Hopefully some of that will be funneled into its inevitable sequel, so that Little Red Riding Hood doesn t end up again looking like she was molded out of aluminum with what appears to be petrified chocolate frosting for hair.