Lindsay's Diary: Leaves of Lohan
The other night, Lindsay Lohan lost her diary at Hiro. It was eventually returned, but several pages were ripped out, prompting her lawyers to send a preemptive letter to major gossips, threatening that any publication that chose to run the diary's contents would face copyright infringement. Blah, blah — sending a letter like that before any details leak out is as good as giving your client a helmet after she already fell off the monkey bars.
The loss of Lohan's diary presents several questions: What 19-year-old girl still keeps a handwritten diary? Why would Lohan bring this diary out for a night of partying? Is Lohan even marginally aware that she is Lindsay Lohan, and thus should avoid any sort of paper trail? Most importantly, WHAT WAS ON THE MISSING PAGES? According to a someone who claims to know the Hiro bartender who stole the pages, Lindsay was quite prolific. Big fat disclaimer: The following information is paraphrased, and we have no idea if any of it's true:
- Lindsay had just taken a [Lohan for blow ?] and felt a little dizzy.
- She contemplates her needs and wants just like all of us pathetic slobs. Unlike us, she wonders whether or not she wants Jared Leto
- There are issues with the former Jordan Catalano s, um, member being a bit too large; sex is suffering.
We suppose that last bit is only TMI since Leto's weight gain. More genius prose after the jump.
- Lindsay likens the size conflict to the feeling of squeezing into tiny Jimmy Choos. [Ed: I swear to fucking God]
- She cites that she is sitting at the bar downing a Blood Mary.
- LiLo mentions she has a bad cough she can t get rid of.
- Lindsay writes that she and her mother got tats that day: a heart on Lindsay s hand and a star for mom s wrist apparently matching LiLo s existing star tattoo. This is journalism, people.
- Her sister Lauren called somebody Hitler this merits a swastika illustration in the margin.
- Lindsay recounts that she had a ball at the Kate Spade sale, and our little rich girl is still excited about sale prices. How adorable!
Again, we don't know how true any of this is; the blogger who documented the above prose claims to have heard it via voicemail from the page-stealing bartender. And while we're pretty sure that Lohan doesn't have a sister named Lauren, we do believe that dealing with a big Catalano-cock is like squeezing into $400 stilettos.
