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Attention recent Paramount casualties: We understand you are probably still in shock at your untimely displacement, perhaps making dazed circles in the middle of Melrose, cardboard boxes of personal items clutched in your hands, as whizzing cars narrowly avoid curing your woes forever. Fret not we here at Defamer are often the first to hear about Hollywood job opportunities, and we never hesitate to pass them on to you. Here's a plum, sent into to us just moments ago:

Looking for an assistant for Collin [sic] Farrell...$750 per week, must be male.... must be intelligent. Please contact Russell at *******@gmail.comASAP if you know anyone...

The position's penis-having prerequisite might at first smack of sexism, but we can assure you, this is probably not the ideal job for a woman especially when its three main responsibilities are "drunk girl at club ice-breaker," "sex tape dialogue punch-up writer," and, least glamorous of all, "suspicious discharge inspector."