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Nothing can quash the rebellion of a Monday morning breakfast burrito against your stomach lining more ruthlessly than a fizzy glass of the weekend box office numbers:

1. Big Momma's House 2–$28 million
If you found yourself at the multiplex this weekend, standing before a Big Momma's House 2 one-sheet, gape-mouthed with incomprehension and fearing that the testicles that retracted while you puzzled over the film's impenetrably complex premise might never again descend, take heart, for the head of Fox distribution breaks it all down for you:

People like the "Big Momma" character, pure and simple. She's funny, she's sassy, but it's a guy underneath there," Snyder said.

A ha! There's a guy underneath there! The character is not actually a morbidly obese woman, or—God forbid, in these confusing cinematic times—a couple of gay cowboys hiding their forbidden love from an intolerant world beneath a protective shell of flower-patterned muumuus and latex. It's just a dude! Everything's gonna be OK.

2. Nanny McPhee–$14.1 million
Enjoy Emma Thompson's magical nanny while she lasts. With Big Momma doubling up Nanny McPhee in their opening weekend, the role of the enchanted caregiver will be offered to Martin Lawrence by lunchtime. And if he passes, they'll still land a Wayans brother, who've already proven they can do sassy drag.

3. Underworld: Evolution–$11.1 million
There were many issues with the "steamy" sex scene between stars Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale, starting with the fact it was directed by Beckinsale's husband—who apparently was so uncomfortable with the whole business that he wouldn't let his two actors' genitals come anywhere near each other.

4. Annapolis–$7.7 million
Annapolis will easily be considered the most successful James Franco/Tyrese/Jordana Brewster project ever—at least until the three team up for South Beach Rookie Cops, the biggest hit of the first two weeks of The CW's Fall 2007 schedule.

5. Hoodwinked–$7.4 million
Unlike the clumsy, spouse-sabotaged Underworld's sex scene, the irreverent Hoodwinked's Red-on-Wolf action was surprisingly erotic and well-choreographed.