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Valentine's Day is, of course, a major national holiday, an earthshaking news event, and one of the most important things going on in the world next month. So it makes perfect sense that seemingly every publicist in town is pegging every ridiculous consumer-product pitch to this flood-the-zone story. A friendly tabloid scribe reports that he's received no fewer than 48 V-Day-pegged press releases — three of which even arrived back in December.

Herewith the best — by which we mean most ridiculous — arguments for Valentine's coverage, all quoted verbatim.

"Valentine's Day and Raggedy Ann have a lot in common: the color red; the symbolism of love; the candy hearts." (Elsewhere in the same release: "Ann didn't get her red yarn hair till the 1930s.")

"High tech is on the lips and hips of high profile celebrities, politicians and every day people. This year, make Valentine's Day special with a high tech gift for your sweetheart.... Using the cell docking station, you can make and receive cell phone calls via your home phone. Whisper sweet nothings to your long-distance love using free night and weekend minutes all on the comfort of a home phone."

"The couple that RVs together stays together? It's true! RVing together can strengthen romantic relationships."

"Would you be interested in doing a piece on Romance and ADHD?"

Plenty more after the jump.


"Valentine's Day is ideal to consider the benefits of decorating with the color red."

"You'll learn the power of 3 (dating a pair and having a spare?), How to get a boyfriend by Valentines Day, How to make the most of your Friday night!"

"Just in time for Valentine's Day, Seagram's promises a romantic awakening in the beverage aisle with the launch of a new beverage entitled "Passionate Kiss," an amalgamation of strawberry, lime and passion fruit, vibrant red in color...."
"I can filter you information on a US entertainment company that's selling out on extremely over-the-top V-Day packages."

"'Why settle for a lame old greeting card when you can proclaim your love for your Valentine to the entire planet,' Seifer added."

"If you sweetie has a sweet tooth, but prefers yoga and yogurt, how about the Plank 'Chocolate Chocolate' Yoga Mat ($65)"

"If the walls of this musically historic hotel could sing, guests would be treated to a medley of fairy tales come true."

"Mild days and cool nights bestow upon the country the optimal climate for rose growing and provide you and your sweetie a with sultry stage to allow your love to blossom!"

"In addition Susan, can evaluate the different ways to say "I love you" and what the true meaning of any gift is. ... She has written and sold more greeting cards than anyone else in the world."

"[T]he most extravagant packages, from Princess Di's former private chef cooking dinner for 2 to a romantic 1920's open cockpit biplane ride ."

"Valentine's Day is a love it or hate it type holiday. When you are in a relationship that works all the flowers, candy, and jewelry in the world wont add up to the value of that relationship. When you are not in a relationship you often forget about what really matters and can make yourself sick that you're the only one in the office without roses on her desk."

"Are you working on a workplace romance story for Valentine's Day?"

"Everyone you know has a date for that special day — February 14th. Instead of sitting home and feeling bad, why not quickly find someone?"

"Let the love blossom this Valentine's Day and beyond with a passion inspiring rail getaway...."

"Valentine's Day is when millions of people who are alone — by choice or circumstance — are made to feel a bit left out."

"This expert of kiss-a-risma, is the perfect guest for a Valentine's Day article or the one to turn to for the latest ."

"How can your readers spend Valentine's Day? Let us count the ways."