Defamer Classifieds: Saving Ben Affleck
A kind stranger reaches out a helping hand across the LAT Classifieds to Ben Affleck, whose recent movie career (zero 2005 releases, 2004 output of Surviving Christmas and Jersey Girl), hoping perhaps to save the actor from further bad career choices and a life hawking body spray in Argentina:
Ben Affleck, In exchange for $185,000, which I need to purchase a modest home in St. Paul, I will personally screen all movie scripts that are sent to you, to ensure your longevity in the movie industry. I m not trying to get down on you, but lets face it, the last couple movies were not the best you can do. I have a feeling that you are a decent guy and don t deserve the criticism you have received lately. So, in exchange for the $185,000, I will help you narrow down movie rolls [sic], a job that I will gladly take on for life. Just contact the L.A. Times for my personal information. Thanks for your time, Eric
The ambitious fan might be severely underestimating the time commitment that he'd be undertaking for that $185,000 in Minnesotan real estate; with the way things have been going with Affleck's career, we wouldn't be surprised if every Starbucks barista, boutique salesperson, and bathroom attendant in town senses an opening and is slipping him scripts, whispering assurances that they've written the role that will finally put his big-screen life back on track.