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In the interest of equipping all potential applicants for the aforementioned position within Steven Seagal's production concern with as much pre-interview information as possible, we pass along this report from a reader who already went through the initial interrogation just for the proverbial shits and giggles:

I went in and interviewed for this off the UTA job list when there wasn’t a production company listed. I found out it was Steven Seagal and decided to do the interview just for the story. I was told that I would travel the world on a private jet and make $800/week. Sounded pretty good (except for the S. Seagal part). Then I started asking questions: Turns out you have to keep a 12-20 person entourage including personal chef, monks, and body guards happy at all times. I was told it was more of a “management” than an “assistant” position. Meaning you had to manage to get all of them where they needed to go or Steven would rip you a new one. Did I mention the 50 pieces of luggage that you are in charge of shepherding around the world? Also you have to go out to the “clubs” with Steven every night after work—a truly horrifying thought. And of course discretion is an absolute must. I told this story to someone else who had applied for the same job and they told me that when asked what sort of things they were supposed to be discreet about they were given this example: “like for instance if someone were to get shot."


I asked how long the person before me had lasted and the interviewer (not seagal) said 3 months. I applied 4 months ago.

We can only hope that there's no connection between the last assistant's three-month tenure and the referenced discretion about potential gunplay-related mishaps. Anyway, happy interviewing!