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Our favorite intoxicated intellectual Christopher Hitchens has a very special holiday message for us all: Fuck Christmas, and fuck you, too. Unlike many anti-season types, it's not Christmas's commercialism or the loss of greater meaning that has him down — what makes Hitchens all frothy is the emphasis on assigning some sort of Christian meaning to the whole lot of bells and trees. Add to that "an insistent din of identical propaganda and identical music" and "the collectivization of gaiety and the compulsory infliction of joy," and suddenly the man has no choice but to indulge his big, angry boner with an entire column.

Or, you know, Hitchens's egg nog just wasn't spiked to his satisfaction, so he declared a jihad on the whole damn season.

Bah, Humbug [Slate]