'Tis The Season to Mercilessly Gut Beautiful Women
The delightful deviants over at Yankee Pot Roast have unveiled a story that is sure to become as sacred a holiday tale as 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Behold author Mick Stingley's An American Psycho Christmas in all its Batemansian glory:
Joy to the World is being piped in over the din of the late afternoon crush at Saks Fifth Avenue and I am cursing the fact that I have to wait so long for the clerk to return with my credit card. I am pressed against the counter as all manner of last-minute shoppers flood the aisles of the perfume and cosmetic counters. Already some annoying woman has scuffed my A. Testonis with the wheels of her stroller and I am livid. In the left pocket of my black cashmere Ermenegildo Zegna coat I grip the handle of the small W sthof cleaver I carry and breathe easy as the blond little hardbody at the Chanel counter returns with my receipt and my purchase. She hands me my American Express Black card and the Chanel parfum, No. 5, which she has gift wrapped for me, and flirts. She s a very lucky lady. I manage a half-smile and notice that she looks like the blowjob girl from Asseaters II, which I still haven t returned to the video store.
We can't wait for Hallmark to turn this thing into a holiday movie starring Neal Patrick Harris and Claire Forlani. The kids will love it.
