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Before the advent of the technological interwebs, an actor abruptly dismissed from the one of biggest shows on television for mysterious reasons of "improper conduct" would have had to awkwardly explain his situation through the usual publicist-enabled channels. But in this brave new world of personal publishing, a guy like former Desperate Housewives star Page Kennedy can not only tell his side of the story, but do it in rap form through his home page. The NY Daily News' Ben Widdicombe transcribes some of Kennedy's lyrical throw-down:

He raps: "My departure was part of a particular incident that I'm done mentioning / What else could I say, they went another way, they recast me right after they unmasked me / And actually it wouldn't have been as bad as it is, if the tabloids would have been spreading bull— about what I did."


Then there's an alarming bit where he implies he considered suicide: A gunshot is heard and a little girl yells out "Daddy? Daddy!"

Kennedy raps that reports of him flashing colleagues "were complete lies" and that "the media seems to stick together like fat guys and super-sized fries." (Hey now!)

We listened to the whole hip-hop confessional (it's no Trapped in the Closet, that's for sure), and it does seems that Kennedy is pretty angry with the tabloids for spreading the rumor that he exposed himself to Housewives staffers. But in his anger, he committed the ultimate artistic sin: failing to find the perfect rhyme to go with "alleged junk dangler." Maybe next time.