You'll Never Drive A Minivan To Soccer Practice In This Town Again
If there is a job in Hollywood that sounds less appealing that being the erstwhile Most Powerful Man in Hollywood's (current title: Man in Hollywood) nanny, we've yet to hear of it. (Actually, probably any job in "excitable" producer Joel Silver's office that involves daily exposure to blunt projectiles whizzing by one's head is no picnic, but we digress.) A former Michael Ovitz nanny has written the inevitable tell-all about her experience in the Other House That Ovitz Built, You'll Never Nanny in This Town Again, in which she accuses him of threatening her with the dreaded "nanny blacklist" and the following litany of sins, as catalogued by Rush & Molloy:
· Wife Judy Ovitz scolded her for buying a new iron when the old one had a frayed and dangerous cord.
· The Ovitzes offered to pay for Hansen to have a manicure once every two weeks, but made her pay the $2 if she broke a nail and it had to be replaced.· When Ovitz checked in from a Mediterranean vacation, his first question was, "Is my art okay?"
· When the Ovitzes received a pair of stuffed Mickey and Minnie Mouse dolls from Michael Eisner, Ovitz's future boss at Disney, for their anniversary, Judy griped, "That's it. The Eisners have more money than God, and what do they get us for our anniversary. Two stuffed rodents. I'll bet they didn't even pay for them."
Admittedly, we're not exactly up to date on the best-nanny-practices of the industry's elite, but whatever sympathy we felt about potential electrocution hazards of the Ovitz workplace was quickly dissipated by the thought of complaining about insufficient manicure-maintenance benefits. If you're going to write a tell-all about a player like Ovitz, anything less than a highly detailed account of a time he stuck the barrel of .357 magnum in his assistant's mouth and politely reminded him that there's no such combination of words in the English language as, "His secretary said he's unavailable," then casually urinated on a Bruce Willis headshot, is going to be a major disappointment.