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• For just $6250, you can breathe the same air as Tom Cruise tonight at the Tribeca Rooftop, where the actor will be raising money for the Church of Scientology's New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project. Buy a ticket and watch him take your Zoloft away. [Page Six]
• There will not be a Britney Spears/Kevin Federline sex tape, which should help you sleep a little more soundly tonight. [R&M (3rd item)]
• Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter will be investing in a new restaurant occupying Ye Waverly Inn's old space on Bank Street. We're sure Jean-Georges Vongerichten is just terrified. [Page Six]
• Proving that he is the ultimate bastard, Apprentice 2 contestant Raj Bhaktabowtie steals a cab from a woman waiting in the cold. [Lowdown]
• Bob Dylan gets his own show on XM satellite radio. As if you'll be able to understand a word of it. [NME]