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For the first time in the 34-year history of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Debacle, a singer will perform live from Times Square during the final minutes of 2005. It'd be an entertaining development, were that singer anyone but Mariah Carey.

Not that we have anything against Carey's vocal talents. But her presence presents a serious logistical issue. It's going to be damn cold out there; how will Carey dress for the occasion? You certainly can't expect her to perform with her flesh covered! And as the ball drops, she'll no doubt whip out her own, bright bulbs to compete for attention — sending millions of Americans into the new year with irreparable ocular scarring. Thanks, ABC.

Carey to Play Times Sq. on New Year's Eve [AP]