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Early this morning, Comedy Central issued a press release announcing a second season of The Showbiz Show with David Spade. The reaction all over Hollywood, now on "high alert," has been predictable and disastrous, and one needs only to throw open the nearest window to watch the terrified citizenry running through the streets, yanking out their hair by the roots as they desperately search for the scarce armor-plated underthings that might—just might—prevent the show's sphincter-rending host from "tearing them a new one" with his drowsy, joyless recitations of Telepromptered copy. Clasp your hands over your ears and prevent further hearing loss from the air-raid sirens sounded by this excerpt from the press release, complete with typically hilarious Spade commentary:

HOLLYWOOD TO REMAIN ON HIGH ALERT AS COMEDY CENTRAL® RENEWS "THE SHOWBIZ SHOW WITH DAVID SPADE" FOR A SECOND SEASON
 NEW YORK, December 8, 2005 — Millions agree. Hollywood had it coming and David Spade is just getting started. COMEDY CENTRAL has ordered a second season of the weekly satire, "The Showbiz Show with David Spade," it was announced today by Lauren Corrao, executive vice president of original programming and development. The second season of "The Showbiz Show with David Spade" will premiere on March 23, 2006 and consist of 13 episodes.


"Taking on the fertile field of self-important Hollywood is a concept we've long believed in and felt our viewers wanted and expected from us," said Corrao. "David and the team at 'Showbiz' have shown no fear providing biting, satirical commentary week-after-week throughout the first season, which has seen the show grow and really come into its own over the course of the run, turning 'Showbiz' into a favorite with our audience and a new franchise for the network."

"COMEDY CENTRAL gave us the freedom to do 'Showbiz' the way we want to and with their help we think it's getting sharper and better every week," said Spade. "Plus, everyone at work was excited to hear that their subscriptions to US Weekly won't be cancelled."

Indeed, Spade's pleased that the network hasn't been interfering with his vision by demanding that he say something that might cause Leonardo DiCaprio to withhold an approving high-five across their VIP booth at Privilege.

[Ed.note—Dude, can we tone this down a bit? If you keep this up, he's never gonna look at our reel.]