Dakota Fanning Goes Cold
Film Threat's released the bottom ten of their annual Frigid 50 list, the rankings of Hollywood's coldest and least-influential players. Inexplicably, the industry's most ruthless power-moppet finds herself languishing among the Hilary Duffs, Ryan Phillippes, and Burt Reynolds of the world:
49. Dakota Fanning
Ewwww! Icky little girl! We don’t like icky little girls who cry and scream and flutter their eyelids in thoroughly synthetic impersonations of how Hollywood adults think kids behave (War of the Worlds, “Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story”). Get this icky little girl away from us! Ewwwww, cootie shot! Anti-Freeze: Come back when you’re legal, kid, and we’ll talk business.
The Film Threat editors probably don't realize it yet, but they'll all be dead before they get to numbers 21-30 if they don't immediately print a full retraction and send Fanning a peace offering—one of Duff's freshly extracted kidneys and a new pony ought to get the job done.