To-Do: The Cribs, Bon Jovi, or Bestiality

• If you can score yourself a sold-out ticket, head on over to the Mercury Lounge to check out British trio The Cribs, who join the pantheon of three-minute-indie-power-rock-the-bands. [flavorpill]
• Little to no self-respect required at Madison Square Garden tonight as Bon Jovi, New Jersey's second most illustrious 80s rocker, hits the stage for the first of two concerts. Lo, the power of Rogaine and delusion. [MSG]
• "True Tales of the Bronx Zoo" promises to deliver, well, that, tonight during a panel of Zoo employees moderated by the Daily Show's Samantha Bee. We're hoping for an elephant gangbang anecdote, but really, any sort of grade-C beastiality reference will suffice. [Paper]