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Page Kennedy, the Desperate Housewives actor suddenly and publicly shitcanned last week for the cryptic reason of "improper conduct," offers up a new, non-junk-dangling-related explanation for his abrupt dismissal:

The Detroit native and former Western Michigan University student said officials merely wanted to recast his role.

"There are a lot of stories that have been told, but the truth of the matter is that Touchstone (the show's producer) decided to go in a new direction, and they bought out my contract," Kennedy told the Detroit Free Press for a story published Wednesday.

While this is typical crisis-PR spin ("You get out there, Mister, and tell them you never whipped it out!"), there's obviously at least of grain of truth in the public statement. We're pretty certain that the "new direction" that Touchstone embraced by buying out Kennedy's contract and recasting his role won't include improv exercises involving the unexpected exposure of male genitalia to off-camera staff. At least until the ratings slip and producers decide they're bored of the everyone-hates-Teri-Hatcher storyline again.