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Imagine for a moment that you're an up-and-coming young actor who lands a recurring role on one of the biggest hits on television. You show up to your first day of work, upon which an assistant director motions over to a basement set obscured by near total darkness, and says, "Welcome to your new gig! Now go crouch under those stairs and don't say a word." Being a classically trained professional, you bite your tongue, and make the most of your dialogue-free, lighting-free 'big break.' You take your place, whispering to yourself, "Don't screw this up, don't screw this up! Everyone in America shall know the name of the Guy Under The Mysterious Black Neighbors' Stairs!" Then you eat Teri Hatcher's bagel:

Page Kennedy, who plays a fugitive from the law on "Desperate Housewives," was fired from the hit ABC drama for improper conduct, a series spokeswoman said Tuesday.

Kennedy, who joined the show this season, was let go Friday after a "thorough investigation by the studio" of the allegations against him, publicist Janet Daily said. "Desperate Housewives" is produced by Touchstone Television, part of The Walt Disney Co. Details of the allegations were unavailable, Daily said. A call by The Associated Press to Kennedy's agent for comment wasn't immediately returned Tuesday.

The alleged misconduct didn't involve another cast member, a source close to the production said, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Kennedy played Caleb, a character shrouded in mystery and seen only briefly as he was held captive in the basement of Wisteria Lane newcomer Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard). In the Oct. 23 episode, it was revealed that Caleb may be responsible for a teenager's murder in Chicago.

Reading about this, we are immediately struck by the notion that the real life mysteries surrounding Housewives (What was the "improper conduct?"...Why is the creepy pharmacist so gay-seeming?...Why is this show so overrated?) are essentially more compelling than anything unravelling on the screen.

UPDATE: The firing may not have been bagel-related.