Threat Level Amber: Ashlee Simpson Spotted At Restaurant
Ashlee Simpson is no doubt busily scrawling lyrics on every available surface for her next 'thoughts-on-my-most-recent-public-humiliation ballad' ("Unhappy meal/Feelin' small as a McNugget..."), dropping soon at an image-reparative SNL performance near you. But we'll give Simpson bonus points for pluck; never one to let a round of mortifying press get her down, the spunky poptart simply picks herself up by her stylist-selected bootstraps and bravely moves on to the next cringeworthy chapter of her life. An operative reports:
Saw Ashlee Simpson [Friday] around 12:30-ish at Toast, no doubt trying to drown out the sound of her embarassing McDonald's flap with overpriced cupcakes. She was sitting outside front and center with 3 handler-types and one scruffster boy with that hideously everywhere out o' the bottle died black shaggy hair. Ashlee, wearing a hideous black fedora that the Rat Pack probably wants back to cover her haystack bleached hair, mousily wandered off avec scruffster toward the back alley while the handlers stayed at the table. Luckily, she was gone before my companion and I sat down to lunch. It's doubtful I could have kept any food down looking at that skank.
We breathed a sigh of relief that no one dared approach Simpson for a photograph, which could have quickly devolved into another boot-licking, cuss-flying fiasco. And on a more hopeful note, it is thoroughly heartening to see that the Backstreet Boys-reignited trend of fedora-wearing continues to show no signs of slowing down.
