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Hey, folks, Mark Lisanti here.

About a month ago, the Writers Guild of America released a report claiming that The Gays, Jews, and Canadians* were unacceptably underrepresented on the Defamer staff. My kneejerk response was a hastily faxed note reading (and I paraphrase—things get blurry in the heat of the moment), "Bite me! Do you see any health insurance around here? This is a non-union sweatshop! I have a dozen reality TV writers chained up in my basement, and they're fed only two meals from Koo Koo Roo each day!"

This, I realize, was not a mature way to handle things.

So in the expansive spirit of meeting quotas with clenched teeth, Gawker Media relented, and has decided to hire self-described "homojewnadian" (and recent, two-time guest editor) Seth Abramovitch, who toiled in the Defamer salt mines as recently as Friday, on a permanent basis. As Associate Editor, he'll be posting to the site daily, adding to the stream of useless, productivity-killing information I already beam into your brain each day. And, most crucially, he brings along those coveted memberships in two of the entertainment industry's most important Mafias. Sorry, Canadians! You're funny, not scary.

OK, enough of this mushy, say-hello-to-the-new-guy nonsense. Those mysterious items glued to Paris Hilton's ass aren't going to blog themselves.

[*They also asked us to hire a token female writer at the lowest possible salary and never promote her, just to get the numbers up, but whatever. We can only toss a bone to so many underrepresented groups at once.]