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The Defamer Special Playboy Mansion Correspondent files this report on Saturday night's annual Halloween bash at Hef's place, where Paris Hilton stretched the limits of her creativity while the likes of Jeremy Piven and Bill Maher showed up sans costume, hoping to improvise something utilizing a "male participant in Misses March Through August orgy" motif. Sound a little boring compared to the Mansion's glory days? Did we mention that Frankie Muniz, Alan Thicke, and somebody from the Amazing Race were there? Sounds like (presumably—our spy didn't go snorkeling in the Grotto to check) absent Official Hollywood Playmate Inspector Owen Wilson was hardly missed:

Another Halloween, another excuse to snag myself on the barbed-wire B-list bonanza that is Hef's annual Mansion spookfest. I befriended an ex-playmate on the shuttle-ride over, who became my evening's gossip guide. Among the more interesting morsels: the haunted house, mounted every year on the tennis courts, was toned down considerably this time around after Paris Hilton threatened to sue when one of the hired ghouls supposedly 'groped' her in the ghoul room. Didn't scare her off, however, cause she, Nicky, Stavros et al. were there in full force. She was in a bunny costume (the creativity!) and a gigantic blonde wig. After a quick huddle, they broke with a renewed, almost supplemented amount of vigor, and attacked the dance floor.

Also spotted: Alan Thicke, leering lasciviously at every piece of ass to cross his field of vision while his new bride (and longtime girlfriend) Tanya Callou hit the dancefloor for some bunny-hunting. (My playmate pal told me he likes to keeps things fresh.) Appropriately enough for Halloween, the very embodiment of evil Jonathan Baker from The Amazing Race was sliming up the game house, dressed as "Playboy Man" (loser). He was loudly listing his Ferrari specs and saying wife/abuse-receiver Victoria Fuller was somewhere in the main house. Hard to believe, but he's even more hateful in person.

Ari Gold, I mean, Jeremy Piven (no discernible costume), was there, looking shorter than I imagined and with a permanently stunned look on his face, but behaving himself. Bill Maher (in Heffish blazer, which is hardly a costume) had a chick on each arm, and a shit-eating grin. A diminutive Frankie Muniz (looking 12 but actually almost 20), started out alone but ended up with a trashy looking blonde woman all over him. Could have been his mom. Matthew Perry showed up a little late, looking chunky and all unfocused, glassy-eyed smiles. Matt Dillon was there too! Dude looks pretty damn good, considering he's in his 40s.

Best costume of the night? The dude in his 70s with an IV on wheels, in a hospital gown, red scabs all over his face. I'm assuming it was a costume, and not one of Hef's pals who just couldn't pull together an outfit in time.

See ya next year!