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To put it plainly, these past three days have turned me into something of a Unabomber. I'm unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed. Meals became bananas and Trader Joe's cheesey puffs (Brit I totally get it now). And yet! And yet I feel like we've really accomplished something here. See, Dad! I did make something of my life! I've become a fill-in Defamerette! Like Liz Smith, but hairier! (Ed.: Factcheckers, verify that.)

Mucho thanks to everyone who sent me tips, stories, and input. Have a spookily spectacular weekend, and if you see me out, come up and say hi! I'll be dressed as a guy passed out on the Akbar bathroom floor.