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• Madonna annouces that if we all don't give up our wicked ways, we'll all go to hell. From slatternly songstress to earth mother to English lady to evangelical Kabbalahist, is there anyone this woman can't be? And are we going to see Madge burning copies of her own records? [R&M]
• Will innocent Kirsten Dunst head down the path of Lindsay Lohan? Allegedly the starlet has been spending a bit too much time with the Boone's, thus reigniting our flame of hope that Jake Gyllenhaal will leave her drunk ass and be our boyfriend instead. [Page Six]
• The crew from Lil' Kim's last video shoot has yet to be paid, perhaps because all the money has gone to bribing her wardens. [Lowdown]
• The new James Bond, British actor Daniel Craig, is scared of water and press conferences. [Scoop]
• Guess Page Six gets the same press-releases-as-celeb-sightings as we do. [Page Six]