Who Needs a Heart When a Heart Can Be Broken?
You have no idea how hard it is to be a Fox News asshole. Thankfully, Newsday's Verne Gay shines a light on these oppressed people today, giving us an opportunity to learn just how difficult life is for a hate-spewing, pompous multimillionaire blowhard like, say, Bill O'Reilly.
Sometimes, it turns out, people aren't nice to poor Bill. Sometimes, people pick on him. Sometimes, his life is inconvenienced by new rules put in place after he settled a lawsuit regarding his fondness for phone sex and loofahs. Worst, sometimes — though we can't begin to figure out what he means here — he's had to "even get more stuff to make it more difficult for people to get through the wire. Who wants to live like that?"
And, thanks to Gay's oddly credulous reporting, we also know that Bill is finding all this to be just too much of a bother — that he's thinking of retiring when his contract expires in two years, because he's just so tired of all the antagonism directed at him.
And, to be honest, we feel Bill's pain, the poor guy. The lowered, angry, vitriolic, and personalized level of today's discourse really does suck.
We just wish we could figure out how things got that way.
