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Excuse me for a moment while I retrieve my lower jaw off the floor those "bone-chillingly accurate predictions" I intrepidly pulled out of my ass on Friday ended up being pretty darned close! Forget 'blogger.' I'm now calling myself 'entertainment consultant.' For $450 an hour I'll tell you what Staind song to run over your closing credits.


1. Flightplan $25 million
It must be satisfying for Ms. Foster knowing that on the Bicentennial anniversary of her cinematic debut, girlfriend can still open a movie big. But tell me this, Miss Fosterpants: can you open this jar of olives? Oh. Well, I loosened it.

2. Tim Burton's Corpse Bride $20 million
Talk about false advertising: there wasn't a single semi-decomposed Lisa Marie on screen. Paired with the bottom-of-the-yardsale-barrel dregs I found after schlepping out to their 'breakup' estate sale, I'm seriously considering asking for a refund.

3. Just Like Heaven $10 million
There was a time in America's great history when there were Ruffalos as far as the eye could see. But then the white man became greedy, wanting too many quirky, angsty, young-Brandoesque performances. Lucky for all of us, one survived.

4. Roll Bounce $8 million
I actually went to see this, and found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable 112 minutes of retardedness. See the movie, then stock up on American Apparel striped socks and terry cloth wristbands to live the dream.

5. The Exorcism of Emily Rose $7.5 million
Correction: this film was not based on a lesser-known Janis Joplin song, as previously reported.