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More desperate than ever to reach the ever-shrinking and increasingly distracted pool of television viewers, the networks are turning to publicity stunts to generate buzz for their shows. Leading the way is the resurgent ABC; after successfully littering beaches with promotional waste, their marketing braintrust has decided that the best method to reach influential eyeballs is to deface currency, replacing the low-Q-rated guy who currently wastes valuable advertising space on the one-dollar bill with a poutier-lipped, more feminine version. From the LAT:

To lure women to "Desperate Housewives," for example, the network supplied dry cleaners around the country with thousands of bags that carried the show's catchphrase: "Everyone has a little dirty laundry." To spark interest in the mysterious, trapped-on-an-island drama "Lost," ABC arranged for tiny bottles to wash ashore on beaches. Inside was a message: "Lost" could be "found" on Wednesdays.

"If you do things right, you get higher 'talk value,' " said Michael Benson, ABC's senior vice president for marketing. This season, he's at it again: to hype "Commander in Chief," a new drama starring Geena Davis as the first woman president, ABC got the U.S. Treasury to OK the circulation of an undisclosed number of dollar bills with stickers of Davis' face covering George Washington's.

Struggling NBC is doing its best to incorporate these nontraditional campaigns, but early efforts in which the network sponsored petty thugs to rob and brutally beat the elderly (and then, of course, make amends to their victims) to promote My Name is Earl were disappointing. They're cautiously optimistic that an upcoming round of network-hosted frontal lobotomy parties for Joey fans will generate a better response.