Monday Morning Box Office: Heaven Isn't Too Far Away
Take refuge in the weekend's box office numbers, forgetting for a moment that you're about to embark on five straight days of pain and suffering.
1. Just Like Heaven—$16.5 million
While we may have overestimated the public's thirst for a syrupy romantic comedy this weekend, the movie certainly serves a social purpose. A showing of Just Like Heaven was even better than a singles bar for finding desperate women. Says the AP: "The film owed its successful debut to the female over-25 crowd, who made up more than two-thirds of its audience, according to Jim Tharp, head of distribution for DreamWorks." Guys, we like your odds.
As for the question of whether or not people and ghosts can "do it," where "it" means "screw," a reader cites this disturbing cinematic precedent: "If you've ever suffered through Neil Jordan's spectacular misfire High Spirits, then you've witnessed ghostly Daryl Hannah and (gulp) Steve Guttenberg committing an unnatural act. She steps through him and he (double gulp) simulates orgasm. They give it a cute name like digeridoo or some such nonsense, but we know what really is - an abomination." Oh, silly reader! While watching Guttenberg orgasm is certainly unpleasant, it's only an abomination if it results from ass-play with a boy ghost.
2. The Exorcism of Emily Rose —$15 million
There's no better way to spend a Sunday than watching God and Satan tussle in a courtroom.
3. Lord of War—$9.2 million
If you're only as hot as your last opening weekend, then Nic Cage is currently a tick cooler than Rob Schneider and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.
4. The 40 Year-Old Virgin—$5.8 million
Having shoehorned him into every available project over the past four weeks, Steve Carell's agents are expected to announce today that they've booked Carell to "meet cute" with an attractive single mom at the salad bar of a local Sizzler.
5. Cry Wolf—$4.6 million
We welcome Cry Wolf to its first, and likely only, week in the top five. Thank you for banishing Transporter 2 from the list.