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In the grand tradition Dancing with the Stars, where people you sort of recognize were asked to perform acts of physical grace for which they were particularly ill-suited, Fox will soon present Skating with Celebrities, in which a similar caliber of has-been will be placed precariously atop metal blades and sent crashing repeatedly to the chilly surface of an ice rink. It sounds like Fox is hoping to convert those spectacular accidents to ratings points; think NASCAR, but with Willis, not an automobile covered in Pennzoil ads, spinning out of control into the stands and killing a handful of spectators. From the AP:

"No doubt there will be plenty of falls, bruises and scary moments," Mike Darnell, Fox's executive vice president of alternative programming, said in a statement Tuesday.

"This competition will require our celebrity skaters to not only demonstrate rhythm, but also athleticism, grace and balance ... on ice, and before a team of unforgiving judges with both Olympic and world championship experience," Darnell said.

Dave Coulier, Bruce Jenner, Todd Bridges, Kristy Swanson, Deborah Gibson and Jillian Barberie with be paired with skating stars including Nancy Kerrigan, Tai Babilonia and Kurt Browning for the six-episode competition

Fox will bring its patented envelope-pushing instincts to the obligatory elimination ceremony. After the show's Olympic-quality judges offer their assessments, the remaining contestants, desperate for survival and broken from a series of horrific tumbles following ill-advised attempts at Triple Axels, will devour that week's low scorer, hoping to absorb their fallen comrade's stores of fame from their fatty tissue. The episode where Kristy Swanson eats Dave Coulier's thigh all by herself, chanting "Cut. It. Out." over and over again as she tears into his flesh, is particularly chilling.