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For reasons that are completely inscrutable to us (really, is there no limit to people's appetite for campy crap?), some actual human beings attended "original supermodel" and reality TV personality Janice Dickinson's one-woman show, the imaginatively titled What Would Janice Do?, at the El Rey last night. The Office Monkey blog posts a review of the debacle:

It actually started off pretty promising, the Victoria Gotti/Donatella Versace look-alikes populating the crowed, vampy Bobby Trendy and his self-important crew trying to snag the absolute best seats possible and at this point, I must ask if you've ever seen the El Rey, because all the seats are basically the same. There were also a bunch of America's Next Top Model wannabes running around, probably hoping for a photo-op. I have to say that same of them were appropriately stunning. It's not that often that a woman can make me seem short and fat, but these chicks did impress. [...]

Janice came out over half an hour late, a nervous (I'm assuming), coked-up wreck. It was soooo not fun to watch. For whatever reason, they had tried to get Janice to memorize a script and she was freaking out because she kept forgetting the script, which was really frustrating to watch because SHE ACTUALLY LIVED IT AND COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW THE STORY WENT. After the first costume change, which came after about 10 minutes of Janice's nervous rambling, Kimberly Stewart and her crew RAN out, leaving their lame dj friend to fend for herself. Ha. I liked that part. After the second costume change, we jetted.

From what I understand Janice later fell.

Perhaps the bouts of memory loss and vertigo can be written off to opening night jitters. Who's at their best with a legendary theater critic like Bobby Trendy sitting a few rows away? But if you're feeling like a thrill-seeker, planning on being on some really good drugs yourself, or need to take a break from your nightly cutting, someone's giving away free tickets on Craiglist. A caveat: We can't guarantee that you'll have more fun than you would if you stayed home with the razor blade and some TiVo'd episodes of Top Model.