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Like a welcoming Monday morning hug and sneaky punch to the kidneys, here are the weekend box office numbers:

1. 40 Year-Old Virgin—$20.6 million
To what does 40YOV owe its opening weekend success? From Box Office Mojo:

According to distributor Universal Pictures' exit polling of moviegoers, the "humor" was by far the main reason people saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin, followed by the "story" and Steve Carell.

At every every studio's development department, a scene like this one is unfolding: "Humor and story are tracking off the motherfucking charts! And Carell's booked through 2007 now, so we'll have to go with virgins. Say it with me now: 'humor, story, virgins.' The first one of you monkeys to bring me The Untitled Humorstoryvirgins Project gets to keep his job."

2. Red Eye—$16.5 million
While we fully recognize that the adorable Rachel McAdams is now America's Sweetheart, we hope she knows the responsibilities that go along with the title: at least one romantic comedy with Tom Hanks (he's due for something cute, preferably involving the internet and the reincarnation of a past love, to take care of the age difference), and then, when her career starts to flag, so much plastic surgery that she's rendered nearly unrecognizable.

3. Four Brothers—$13 million
For a second straight weekend, we had a vague desire to see Four Brothers (sample: "Yeah, it looks kinda OK, and Marky Mark shoots people"), but didn't get around to it.

4. Wedding Crashers—$8.3 million
Before anyone tries to further the idea that R-rated comedies are the hott new trend, please note that Deuce Bigalow finished 11th with $3.6 million in its second weekend of release.

5. The Skeleton Key—$7.4 million
We have nothing else to say about Kate Hudson and the horror genre, but March of the Penguins, the Official Feel Good Story of the Summer, is almost to $50 million.