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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers (that means that we don't write them ourselves, and usually can't be bothered to proofread them, either). Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (putting “privacywatch” or “sighting” in the subject line helps make sure they’re not devoured by the spam filter) and let the world know how fitting you think it is that Elijah Wood drives a Mini.

In this long-awaited, we-really-need-to-start-doing-this-twice-a-week episode: Michael Bay, Jeremy Piven, Rachel Hunter, and Rory Cochrane; Owen Wilson; Jeremy Piven; George Clooney and Krista Allen; Brain Grazer; Heather Graham; Jennifer Lopez; Matthew Broderick; Heath Ledger; Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams; Elijah Wood; Kathy Bates and Kevin Nealon; Stephen Bing; Chris Kattan, Sean Lennon, Ricky Martin, Olsen twins, Wilmer Valderrama, and Jerry Ferrara; Kevin Dillon; Chris Kattan; Martin Sheen; Ruth Buzzi; Adam Goldberg; Andy Richter; Selma Blair and Ahmet Zappa; Bijou Phillips and Danny Masterson; Taryn Manning; Ryan Cabrera; Peter MacNichol and Gabrielle Carteris; Eli Roth; Hulk Hogan; Kimberly Stewart and B-Real; James Denton and Joe Mantegna; Debbie Gibson and Lance Bass; Kim Fields; Byron Allen; Andrew Firestone; Ron Jeremy

· Last night’s (8/4) Maxim party at Cabana Club was a veritable C-List sundae with a Michael Bay cherry on top. Jeremy Piven arrived early in the evening, but sadly I could not find him later to live out my PCU fantasies when the DJ played “Flashlight” by P-Funk. Rachel Hunter was there, surprisingly youthful-looking and beautiful in person. Rory Cochrane (the dead guy from CSI: Miami) seemed kind of bored, though I can’t imagine how, unless he didn’t know that our favorite fauxter Michael Bay had just arrived, sporting stylish black loafers instead of his requisite white sneakers! I hate to say it, but his black dress shirt and jeans look was borderline classy—a rare display of plumage for him in the wild.

· Went to the LA Fitness in Westwood for my after-work workout tonight, and who was standing near the women's locker room chatting with a trainer and some women in the jacuzzi, but Mr. Butterscotch Stallion,
Owen Wilson! He gave me a quick smile as I entered the locker room. Saw him later on upstairs being really chatty with a few trainers, they seemed to know him pretty well.

· Saw Jeremy Piven at a Malibu Starbucks with ultra-hot, ultra-young brunette. He looked annoyed when she took a cell phone call and left him sitting alone twindling his thumbs for 5 minutes.

· Was having dinner Sunday night at Sushi Katsu-ya to celebrate my girl’s birthday when none other than George Clooney and a blonde Krista Allen walked in. They took a look around, saw the crush of people waiting for tables, the packed sushi bar, and swiftly exited. Katsu-ya has to be one of the last vestiges of non-starfucking-dom left in this town, a refreshing escape from the wannabe Fezs and Hohans that always seem to ruin my nights out. All hail the power of crispy rice with tuna!

· 8/4, 11:20a arrival at a nearly deserted Cafe Montana. That is, but for two ladies having a (yawn) tete a tete at one of the perimeter fishbowl tables and Brian "Happy Everything" Grazer & company at a table in the back. I didn't catch who he was with, since (1) I'd already peformed a sloppy full torso twist when my brunch companion said, 'there's that funny-looking producer who lives in the Palisades' and (2) I wouldn't know; Defamer is my only knowledge of all things Hollywood. I admit, I had to refer to your holiday card coverage to find Happy Everything's name.

· Alegria on Sunset, 8/8/2005, 8:30 pm: Heather Graham and a nerdy, skinny guy went to the counter and ordered food to go. She wore light wash jeans with button-flap pockets (tiny booty, so good choice), nicely-fitting pink sweatshirt. I'm sad to say I have no idea what the guy was wearing. She and I made brief eye contact as they walked out, which I hope conveyed that I was only glancing ever so surrep-tit-iously at her famously lovely chest to admire the adorable kittens, waterfall and moon (?) airbrushed thereupon. The girl pulls off a great casual look. A lady with a very mom haircut (face framing curled under bob) waited outside for their food with the skinny nerd. HG disappeared, probably due to the guys in the restaurant scrambling for their cell phone camera and clumsily trying to tell their dad whose picture to take. A friend walked in right about then. We told him she was somewhere in the vicinity, and I swear he followed his wiener out the door to the parking lot in the same way that the old Bugs Bunny cartoon characters follow their noses and drift above the ground, pulled in by a delicious smell.

· As I was waiting to get my eyebrows waxed at Anastasia in Beverly Hills, Jennifer Lopez came out of one of the private rooms. She is pretty and was dressed in “casual” clothes—a white button down shirt, rolled jeans, oversized black sunglasses and 5 inch black patent leather pumps. The shoes were so shockingly high that they made her walk with small steps and everyone kept looking at them. Her assistant was waiting for her and JLo got into her dark gray Bentley parked outside and drove off.

· Friday evening (8/5), about 6:30, saw Matthew Broderick leaving the Arclight. He had several days growth of beard and wore a baseball cap. A guy came up to him in the lobby and loudly proclaimed, "I loved you in Wargames." Surreal.

· 8/5 While on my way to my weekly Mandy haze in Silverlake, I stopped by at the 7/11 on Vermont and Franklin in the LF. Whilst waiting in line, I looked over to the door and saw the Bareback Brokeback Mountaineer himself, Heath Ledger, venturing into the store. HL was looking uberhot, with full head shaved and with just a basic white tee. (Much shorter than I imagined him, since I was able to match him up to the door’s height chart, but still pretty tall.) He sauntered in and headed directly towards the back to the frozen treat section. Knowing full well his gf, Michelle Williams, is with child, I thought he might be heading for some ice cream and pickles. I looked over to the Land Rover he had bolted from and saw an attractive blonde in the front seat. I think it was her, but I was more enthralled with HL, natch. Heath continued through the store after taking a peek into the freezer and then made his way to the other side to where the cold drinks were. I guess they didn’t have what he was looking for and left.

· I saw Heath Ledger and his girlfriend returning to their car after leaving Whole Foods. He looked like a hobo like he always does and she looked as dull as ever. Both were holding coffee cups. I noticed that the caffeine free box on her cup was not checked. That lovey-dovey show they put on at the Brothers Grimm premiere was such crap. Heath looked very pissed off. They were clearly arguing about something as they made their way to the car, though I don't know what. Heath looked like he was trying very hard to control his temper and keep his voice down.

· i saw elijah wood driving a black mini cooper out of a parking lot on main street in santa monica over the weekend. somehow seemed so poetic that frodo drives a mini.

· Wednesday (8/10) boozing it up at Shutters in St. Monica's and Kathy Bates was sitting on the couch across from us with a much older looking gentleman who sprawled himself across their couch. I have no idea what they were talking about, though the dude had a slightly creepy resemblance to James Caan. She wasn't taking an sledgehammer to his ankles, however, so that was bonus. From the far soutwestern reaches of the Defamer coverage area: rambling down Manhattan Beach Blvd. looking for a nice fish dinner and Kevin Nealon walked by with another dude and skinny, hot blond who could have been is wife. He seemed very relaxed and in proper summer-night beach attire.

· 8/12 Second sighting of this person and this time I could not resist on reporting. Saw Liz Hurley's baby daddy Stephen Bing today at the Die Hard Building (Century City). Looks like a tall albino with a teen-age boyish walk. Very pale with completely white hair (very scary)! Thank god the kid's cute!

· Sat next to Chris Kattan and Sean Lennon and some leggy brunettes at Koi on Friday (7/29) Kattan is short, and I could not stop saying Mango, Mango when I looked at him. Apparently, Nicole Richie was there, I did not see her, but then again, she is almost invisible. Spotted hasbeen Ricky Martin at Spider Friday night (7/29). Ricky looking rough and was trying to rock some cut off T shirt. not a good luck, BonBon. Also there, was Wilmer V. Didn't not realize he was such a big celebrity, what with his huge entourage and bodyguards all up in the club. He is kinda hot, however. Saw the Olsens at the Dime on Thursday(7/28). I bummed a smoke from MK. Homegirl smokes Marlboro Reds. Ouch. However, apparently only skinny ass celebs are allowed to smoke inside, as I was told not to light up. Saw my boy Turtle from Entourage ( does he even have a real name) at Jones on Thursday night. What I really wanted to see was Adrian Grenier.

· hey— just got into town from Manhattan, and on my first night back (FRI 4) saw KEVIN DILLON at Compadres on Sunset. Lots of people were waiting for a table, and I thought it would be funny if no one knew who he was, like on the show, but no such luck; he got a table right away.

· I just saw Chris Kattan driving his mercedes into the dealer on beverly (8/10). Does he still count as a celebrity?

· On Sunday (August 7), I was standing in line at LAX to board my SouthWest flight back to D.C., where the completely lame President Bush resides when he is not vacation, when I see none other than my
dream President from the West Wing - Martin Sheen - deboarding the SouthWest flight just before mine. I'm not sure from where his flight was coming, but it must have been an hour or less, because SouthWest doesn't have first class and I doubt Mr. Sheen would fly coach for a cross country flight. For a D.C. political dork, such as myself, it was a pretty exciting sighting.

· So I was eating dinner at Le Petit Greek on Larchmont on Monday evening when I noticed a loud, animated older woman with a distinctive jawline approach a nearby table to say hello and catch up with what
appeared to be old friends. It was, um, Ruth Buzzi. You know, Ruth Buzzi, of "Laugh-In" fame. I was having slight doubts until I saw her laugh and move that jaw around and flail her arms about and basically ham it up like only Ruth Buzzi could do. When she left the table, one of the diners turned to another and said, "she's just so funny!" Yes, it still counts as a Privacy Watch sighting (I think) — seeing a celebrity do blow in the bathroom of the Trop is like shooting fish in a barrel but discovering that an old C-list celebrity is still alive is priceless.

· Adam Goldberg at Chaya restaurant in Venice. Dining with a blonde woman. He wore a black T that accented some pretty bitchin' ink on his arms. Very fetch.

· I saw Andy Richter at the Pacific Theater in the Grove on Friday (8/5). He was there watching Batman Begins with his VERY pregnant wife. Andy is taller, and less corpulent in person than he appears on TV.

· On Saturday night (8/6), my friends and I bravely decided to pack a picnic basket and go to the Hollywood cemetery. No, not just for kicks — we went to see the screening of "Carrie." And we weren't alone — of the 2,000 people there, we happened to be sitting next to your favorite fashionista and sometimes actress Selma Blair. She was with her hubby Ahmet, and seemed to be enjoying the cult classic. She's tiny and marginally cute.

· I went to the wrap party for the GERMS/Darby Crash movie that stars Shane West at the Dragonfly in Hollywood. Bijou Phillips co-stars. She spent the entire time dry humping Danny Masterson's leg.

· saw the girl who plays the white trash hooker in hustle and flow, taryn manning, at the dog park sunday. she is startlingly elf-like in person with a little upturned pixie nose. she was also wearing an aunt jemima headwrap which may have been covering hair curlers. with family/mother and fauxster boy-toy in tow.

· 8/9, 9 pm: i just say ryan cabrera at baja fresh on sunset. the one with the coffee bean. he was sitting outside with two guys. my friends and i had a good laugh when we sat down, but then a minute later this stage-mom-in-training pushed her 15 year old daughter in his face and made her sing church songs for him. if anything could make me feel bad for ryan cabrera, that would be it. he was very gracious about the whole thing.

· Saw Peter MacNicol (had the box in front of us — but don't print that as my friend's — very hated — boss was his guest) rocking at the Chaka Kahn/Gladys Knight concert) last night (8/3). He was there two weeks ago, but I just thought my friend was randomly whisperng about Ally McBeal. Gabrielle Carteris (in the box behind us) was much more subdued, but seemed to be enjoying the concert as well.

· I saw "Cabin Fever" auteur, Eli Roth at the Cinematheque screening of Dario Argento's "Deep Red" last Sunday. Not really a big deal. Seeing him at a horror screening is like seeing Jenna Jameson at the AVN Awards. No geeks approached him, which is surprising. He wore a white shirt with some kind of green Jaws logo/picture on it (not the original movie poster or anything). I'm actually a huge fan of "Cabin Fever" and wanted to tell him so, but I'm sure he gets that all the time.

· I was driving east on Little Santa Monica Blvd. Tuesday August, 2nd, in Beverly Hills when, Low and behold, HULK HOGAN in full WWF Champion 80s attire, comes barreling around the corner. He turned right, onto Little Santa Monica Blvd., passed the Starbucks on the corner and proceeded west in a MAROON TOYOTA CAMRY, yes I said MAROON TOYOTA CAMRY! This can't do much for the Hulk-meister's image. As he gripped his stylin' ride's wheel during the angry turn, he had an angry grimace plastered across his sparkling platinum blonde, goateed face; maybe he just spilled his iced Chai Tea Latte on the hulk-ish bulge in his purple checkered, spandex pants. I know he has his reality show, but the Hulk-meister really should consider acquiring a new wardrobe that doesn't SCREAM, "outta' my way, I gotta get to the ROCKY 3 set!" Even Ozzy has kept up with the current fashions!

· Spotted Kimberly Stewart at Kitson on Tuesday 8/2. Wandering all over the store with her skinny legs in the most atrocious roman style sandals ever beheld by human eyes and requisite tremendous sunglasses. She looked like she was desperately trying to be noticed. Wasn't quite as awful looking in real life as she is in photos and shorter, though not Rod sized. Also spotted B-Real (Cypress Hill) at the Rainbow smoking the worst skunk weed I have ever smelled and looking like he was hanging with his fraternity brothers.

· Saw James Denton of Desperate Housewives fame at the Angels vs. Orioles game on August 3. I was on my way to get a five dollar hot dog and ran into him. Literally. But it didn't hurt. He's flabby/skinny and should defintetely hit the weights. Plus, he's got a faded tattoo on his left upper arm that would
look a lot better if it was supported with some muscle mass. Still, can't knock the guy. He was genuinely
kind and unassuming with the baseball fans acknowledging him. And Joe Mantegna was sitting in the front row next to the Angels dug out at the same game. Angels won 8-4.

· Tuesday night (8/9) at the Magic Castle with my fabulous family (visiting from NYC) at the Magic Castle. We were sitting at the front bar having a grand time, waiting for the next magic show....we hear someone singing in the piano room. Her voice is fabulous, but we did not come here for the music. Keeps getting louder....a manager informs us that it is Deborah "don't call me Debbie Gibson". Fine. He then points out Lance Bass, who is encouraging her to sing louder. Later, my party goes to a small room to enjoy a close-up magic show. Bitch is belting so loud we are distracted (not in a good way). When we get out of the show the entire bar area is pissed off! DeBORAH, (with Lance and their half dozen sychophants) is still singing...loudly. It was truly sad. We came here to see magic shows, not to be distracted by a couple has-beens trying to draw attention to themselves.

· Just got back (8/8) from the Culver City post office where I saw everyone's favorite little Fact of Life, Kim Fields (aka Tootie Ramsey). Girl's got some long platinum blonde dread extensions, and was wearing a matching workout outfit — velvet-y tan, huge black sunglasses and adorable black slip ons. She told the guy at the counter she'd have to go across the street to get cash for a money order and would be right back ... but only if she didn't have to wait in line again.

· Coming out of Kitson on Robertson I saw that bald weirdo Byron Allen who hosts that awful star puke interview show. I didn't even know who he was but my fiancee told me and said he lives in some tres swanky pad, which is odd because he's owed our friend $400 for years now. Proof there is no God.

· Not a good one, really, but a little odd for its context: I saw ex-"Bachelor" Andrew Firestone at my gym last night, the Ballys in West L.A. He was coming in as I was leaving. Nothing against my Ballys, but it's really not a fancy place. I would think a status-conscious ex-reality star would be more at home at Crunch or one of the show-offier places in Hollywood. Or maybe the winery's hit a rough patch.

· So I was flying from JFK to LA on Fri. August 6th, and who do I see in the JFK JetBlue lounge men's bathroom? Noneother than the Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy.Now, I have seen Ron before in LA, eating and looking hairy and round, so his offensive looks were not what caught my eye this time. What did catch my eye was his luggage. I know it has been a while since he got steady gigs having sex with Traci Lords or doing his self-fellating tricks, but how in need of money is this guy? His carry-on luggage consisted of the
standard wheely carry-on, but looked like it was hijacked from a homeless person in 1989. And the plastic bag he had on top of it was all torn up, had holes in it and even had the requisite "I kept every piece of newspaper and magazine I encountered on skid row" disheveled jampacked thing going on. Throw in the fact that he was obsessed with wetting his fingers and wetting down his eyebrows and this was quite the Hedgehog encounter. Hope you Hedgehog lovers enjoyed!!