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With dreams jobs like this one available to any attractive go-getter with a drive to succeed and the hands of a Swedish-trained angel, we don't know why anyone would waste their time pursuing Tinseltown dreams that don't involve kneading out the knots (does an erect penis count as a knot?) in a stressed executive's muscles:

Television Exec needs personal assistant/masseuse
 Hello! I'm an entertainment executive from New York (male, 34), live bi-coastally (frankly, on a plane :-), and am going to be in Los Angeles for the next 5 months on business, around 3 days a week.

I love my job, but tend to keep very long hours and travel schedules (100+ hours a week, incluing 300,000+ miles a year in flying). While I'm in Los Angeles, I'm looking for a smart, dynamic, personable gal with great hands, who can give me a couple of massages a week, and spend a few hours a week running errands (buying wine, dry-cleaning, helping with documents). You don't have to be certified in massage, just be personable, and have a good touch — this is primarily for relaxation, and because I don't have the time to make and break spa appointments.

I'm also looking for someone who can serve as an escort/assistant to several high profile entertainment functions I will have to attend. Outfits for the events included as perks. Looking for someone attractive, with social graces.

Errands/PA may include:

- Dryclean dropoff/pickup - Gift buying/drop-off - Escort/assistant to work functions

Your time committment can be extremely flexible, and will not require more than 4 to 5 hours a week of your time. I'm a fun, easy-going and relaxed fella, and will be willing to work around your full-time work schedule, if necessary.

Compensation will be $140 per hour for massage, and $50 per hour for errands/assistant work. Events that you attend will be paid at $400 per event, plus perks like the clothes. The job guarantees $400 per week minimum, and is no more than 4 to 5 hours of work a week (except when there's an event, there's 4 of them in the next 4 months). You must have a cell phone, and be relatively accessible.

I am interviewing this week, so early responses get first priority.

Please respond with a picture and phone number — I don't have ready access to email all the time.

Reply quickly, because at $140/release and $400/event plus clothes, headshots and resumes will be flooding in.