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We remember it like it was yesterday: We were 14 years old, and a reporter arrived to profile us for Tiger Beat. (Back then, there were no blogs, so we were editing a newsletter called Teen Defamer, and we'd just written a particularly provocative hitpiece on Joey Lawrence.) She asked us, "When you grow up, whose entertainment lawyer would you like to get an angry letter from?" It didn't take any thought; ever since we were old enough to figure out what a certain actor was pretending to do to Rebecca DeMornay on that train in Risky Business, the answer was clear: Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise.

We know! We couldn't have scripted it any better!

It's a little difficult to feel special, though. We think that Mr. Cruise's lawyer, the legendary Bert Fields, is actually angry with Kim Masters, Radar and the NY Daily News, and we're going to be really devastated if we find out this was merely a form letter. No one likes to be sloppy seconds! But there you have it, straight from Team Cruise: The actor's faith in L. Ron Hubbard was, is, and forever shall be unshakeable.

You can click on the picture to see a readable version of the letter.