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Every young religious seeker goes through a crisis of faith. Why should Scientology's biggest prophet star, Tom Cruise, be any different? An exposé in the new issue of Radar details how Cruise rolled over the spiritual speedbump of cognitive dissonance (we picture Cruise kneeling before a bust of L.Ron Hubbard, praying "Please, OTR VIII, let this e-meter pass me by") on the way to becoming the world's most outspoken critic of Ritalin:

The stress of learning - or believing? - that Xenu stacked his alien enemies in volcanoes, and then blew them up with H-bombs, was starting to wear on Cruise, according to one Scientology veteran who trained with Cruise.

He was "pretty screwed up," the source tells Kim Masters in Radar magazine. "He just got that pasty skin and that foolish look.

"He just wanted Scientology to be away from him. He wanted to do no more auditing [the church's mind-cleansing program], just nothing with any of that stuff, just go back to Hollywood."

Apparently worried that he was ready to bolt their Celebrity Center, his instructors are said to have backed off.

Cruise was "taken off any kind of real heavy auditing and [told], 'Let's have some fruit, let's get exercise, come to the exercise room,'" says his audit-mate. "'Let's play basketball.'"

It's true: After a nice medley of fresh fruit, an hour on the StairMaster, and being allowed to win a game of HORSE, all that stuff about the souls of aliens that possessed our bodies after being chained to a volcano and nuked by an evil alien warlord begins to make a lot more sense. We're pretty sure the same fruit/cardio/hoops regiment works for heroin detox as well.

UPDATE: According to Tom Cruise's lawyer, unlike most spiritual human beings, the actor has never suffered this alleged crisis of faith. Read the exciting letter here.