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We're assuming you've been outside today, so you'll know exactly what we mean when we helplessly ask what the fuck is going on out there? Seriously, it's getting biblical out on the streets, so make sure you use your energy wisely. For your sake — and in the name of that ever-elusive service journalism we keep hearing about — we've done you a favor and, using a nifty Google maps-based pedometer tool, taken the time to map out the fastest routes to three Tasti-D-Lites near the Condé Nast building at 4 Times Square. And, because we know Condés think of such things, we've even gone and calculated how many calories one might burn on each trip, assuming one weighs 115 pounds. (That is the official company weight limit, isn't it?)

From 4 Times Square to Tasti-D-Lites at the following locations:

160 E 45th St .608 miles - 52.8 calories burned
101 W 31st St .604 miles - 52.3 calories burned
551 3rd Ave .705 miles - 61.3 calories burned

Now go on, and avoid any unnecessary sprinkles.