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• Start piling the sandbags and boarding up the liquor cabinet: Lindsay Lohan is renting in Sagaponack for the month of August! Finally, a little danger in the Hamptons. [Page Six]
• Cindy Adams delves into the delicious rumor that the marriage of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson is already over and a facade is being maintained simply for the sake of their crappy MTV show. She also claims we heard it from her first, which is true if you exclude the 75 other rumor-mongers and forwarded emails preceding Adams' "scoop." [Cindy Adams]
• Katie Couric would like you to know that she is not a pi ata, nor is she filled with candy. Fine, so we won't beat her — but this really doesn't stop any verbal assaults. [R&M]
• If Scientology decides to muzzle Tom Cruise, maybe we'll reevaluate our position on things. Cults aren't all bad, you know. [Scoop]
• Nicole Kidman's mother is a loveless wench, but Nicole still loves her. Or something, whatever. [Gatecrasher]