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Speaking of celebrity news, the latest issue of Maxim has a revealing quote from cover girl Nicky Hilton:

I always wanted to be a teacher. My friends and cousins would all come over after class and Paris and I would play school. I was the math teacher; Paris was the English teacher. We would make assignments on the copier and give them all homework. I had an intercom, and I would page them all to my office.

And just like that, our nation's educational woes are explained.

Maxim